based on something that annoys me.

'Based on a true story'

Those five words appear at the start of countless films, books and laundry detergent packagings.

Each word seems pretty easy to read yet, whenever they appear before me when I am in the vicinity of a wanker who finds themself to be 'intellectual' I have one repeated to me.

'SEEE ITS BASED!… ONLY BASED!'

Thanks.

No really, I thought that the film was not a dramatic retelling, rather the actual events transpiring with the persons involved having taken polyjuice potion to appear as my favourite celebs.

Run to the hills, Hitler has returned.

Seriously, thanks for the heads up.

, and we're back from a lengthy pause.

I was just wondering, why people, find it necessary to use, so many friggen commas.

The little voice, in my head just can't, cope.

I end up, reading everything, to myself, like that black kid off of Malcolm, in the, Middle.

check out that swagga

Its almost as annoying as when blogs use new lines instead of bothering with proper paragraph structure.

Oh, wait.

Conspiracy.

I don't how something so popular and crucial to the survival of the human race could disappear, just like that, without anyone noticing.

Maybe it got too big and so the corporations had to shut it down.

or Maybe it imploded from a great expansion in mass.

Now, every November 21st we must ask.

Where have aquarium screensavers gone?

Dear Prudence

Dear Internet,

May I please request you to refrain from writing letters to things not of a tangible nature.

This includes, but is not limited to:

Dear School, I like totally hate you.

Signed, dumb slag.

Internet, why do you hurt me so?

Love, Duke Scrotum-Face IIX

This is for your benefit as well as mine.

Sincerely,

Rory Stuart Ross Parker

Please note: when SkyNet takes over the second example will of course be acceptable.

Euthanasia.

I'm very pro-choice.

If someone wants an abortion, then golly gosh, they should be allowed.

And if someone is in pain, then I think it should be their right to decide.

But such a decision should be taken away in at least one case.

People who pronounce Target 'Tarjé' are deserving of being Euthanised, whether they have a death-wish or not.

The moral of this story?

Stop being wankers.

It's true.

"Cold showers? They're for psychotics."

(Alexander 1995, Seinfeld)

and on the seventh day...

Driving through Brisbane one can notice one thing.

The many, many churches scattered through.

I'd have absolutely no problem with this if not for the sickeningly awful signs out the front of each one.

"Brush up on your bible, it prevents truth decay"

"7 days without prayer makes 1 weak"

"Become an organ donor, give your heart to god"

"Lost? Use GPS - God's Plan of Salvation"

Eugh.

Signs like that don't convert me, but rather divert me.

They aren't funny and they aren't cute.

They aren't informative and they aren't clever.

So why.

They make me feel like Job.

The one church sign I can stomach.