You're a douche. (Parker, 2010, Online)

Don't quote yourself.

It makes you look like a jackass.

I've noticed upwards of 5 people quoting themselves on facebook, and I just encountered this foul deed when researching for an assignment.

That'd look good in an annotated bibliography: This source offers examples of the values and perspectives of others, through the use of quotes (all from the author).

It's entirely unnecessary, I know its you saying it.

Errol Flynn didn't thwart Prince John's tyrannous reign by quoting himself.

Do something more productive with your time...like collecting postage stamps.

:::…….::::..::.

Yesterday was bold and exciting for me.

For a child with no style, looking in clothing shops in the city was rather odd.

But out of all the bizarre styles and ridiculous outfits, one thing angered me.

Skirts.

Or the lack there of.

Why is it socially unacceptable for fellas to wear them?

See guys, it doesn't have to look gay!

Oh wait, bad example.

I think that the cool breeze blowing up through me bits on a warm summer day would be just delightful.

The only problem I can see is with the confusion such a fashion would cause with public bathroom signs.

Speaking of public bathrooms, last time I was out and about I noticed something ridiculous.

Outside, on the wall was braille which I am assuming said 'male'.

The ridiculous thing is that they expect that a blind person could find this?

After 20 minutes walking around, with your arms stretched out like the Creeper from Scooby Doo, trying to find a building there's a good chance you might have just soiled yourself.

Tooiilllett?

Let It Wash Away My Vanity

Well hey, good lookin'.

I'm in that mood where whenever you walk past a mirror you can't help but stop and check yourself out.

Oooh baby.

This is a rare occurrence for me, usually its more the 'jesus, get some style dickwit!' mood.

I have noticed however, that whenever I check myself out, I pull a face.

Mmmmm girl.

I even do it when I'm looking at myself on a window's reflection; the people inside must be thinking that I'm retarded, or from New Zealand.

What sort of person would invent the mirror?

I don't mean what sort of person invented a reflective surface, but who invented a surface, solely used for reflections.

They would have been quite possibly the vainest person who ever lived.

Sure, everybody likes looking at themselves, but to be the first person to put a piece of glass in their room, solely for viewing pleasure must have been a twat.

Imagine the conversation upon a person seeing a mirror in a house for the first time…

'Say…What's this?'

"I call it a mirror"

'What does it do?'

"Oh, you know, you can look at yourself in it"

'You certainly can. What else does it do?'

"Nothing…you just look at yourself in it."

'Ummm, okay?'

*note to self: never talk to this vain douche bag again.

Speaking of weird inventions, I'd like to know who drank cow's milk for the first time.

I mean, come on.

I assume that they were a few spoons short of a cutlery set.

I can't help but wonder if they bought the cow dinner before hand?

How's this for a business proposal?

I cultivate your lactation, and in return, give you grass.

And don't get me started on the person who invented enemas.