cAPITAL pUNISHMENT

whoever invented the english language was a fool.

why, i hear you ask.

because they invented capital letters.

now i ask you, why are they necessary?

seriously though, think about it.

name me one instance where they are absolutely necessary.

sure, in some cases, a nice ol' capital X can look pretty badass.

and in other cases capitals can neaten up a bland-looking paragraph.

strangely enough, a nice ol' picture of dr phibes can make

any paragraph look wickedgnarlyradical.

my main gripe with capital letters is the ease to misuse them:

1. caps lock - TYPING WORDS IN CAPS LOCK MAKES ME READ IT AS IF SOMEONE IS YELLING AT ME.
2. caps lock (feat. shift key) - fORGETTING THAT YOU HAVE CAPS LOCK ON, YET STILL ATTEMPTING TO USE CAPITALS IN THE CORRECT PLACES MAKES YOU LOOK ABOUT AS INTELLIGENT AS A SNOWMAN MADE OF HUMAN FAECES. fOOL.
3. capitalising every word - Not Everything Is A Title, Jackass.
4. capitalising every second letter - wOuLd YoU hApPeN tO hAvE a MeNtAl ReTaRdAtIoN?

i really don't see the need for capital letters, it just doubles the amount of learning those poor year one children have to learn.

once, just once, think of the children.

Boosh, Boosh Stronger than a Moose

pro tip: clicky clicky on the image to see it in eye-popping 2D.

Above: Why I want to get into Screenwriting.

Wikipedia is good. [citation needed]

Wiki gets a bad rap.

Why can't it be used in assignments?

'Its not a credible source of information'

It cites everything to credible sources, and HOW IS IT ANY LESS CREDIBLE THAN ANY OTHER WEBSITE?

'Anyone can edit it'

Guess what the internet is, dribbledick.

Everything can be edited by anyone; so stop being dicky to poor ol' wiki.

'Did you know: The common bumblebee has a 10 inch penis?'

You read it online, but not on wikipedia.

It must be true.

based on something that annoys me.

'Based on a true story'

Those five words appear at the start of countless films, books and laundry detergent packagings.

Each word seems pretty easy to read yet, whenever they appear before me when I am in the vicinity of a wanker who finds themself to be 'intellectual' I have one repeated to me.

'SEEE ITS BASED!… ONLY BASED!'

Thanks.

No really, I thought that the film was not a dramatic retelling, rather the actual events transpiring with the persons involved having taken polyjuice potion to appear as my favourite celebs.

Run to the hills, Hitler has returned.

Seriously, thanks for the heads up.

, and we're back from a lengthy pause.

I was just wondering, why people, find it necessary to use, so many friggen commas.

The little voice, in my head just can't, cope.

I end up, reading everything, to myself, like that black kid off of Malcolm, in the, Middle.

check out that swagga

Its almost as annoying as when blogs use new lines instead of bothering with proper paragraph structure.

Oh, wait.

Conspiracy.

I don't how something so popular and crucial to the survival of the human race could disappear, just like that, without anyone noticing.

Maybe it got too big and so the corporations had to shut it down.

or Maybe it imploded from a great expansion in mass.

Now, every November 21st we must ask.

Where have aquarium screensavers gone?

Dear Prudence

Dear Internet,

May I please request you to refrain from writing letters to things not of a tangible nature.

This includes, but is not limited to:

Dear School, I like totally hate you.

Signed, dumb slag.

Internet, why do you hurt me so?

Love, Duke Scrotum-Face IIX

This is for your benefit as well as mine.

Sincerely,

Rory Stuart Ross Parker

Please note: when SkyNet takes over the second example will of course be acceptable.