You can call me 'Mister Anthrope'

The rise of the idiots is upon us.

I guess there's always been a lot of bogan idiots in Australia, that's pretty much what we pride ourselves as a nation on, but its never really affected me before.

But thanks to Social Networking (and being a part of the State School system) its pretty much impossible to escape from.

YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE

Today's textual tirade targets two types of these twits that tick me right off.

First off is the illiterate chain smoking/binge drinking dregs who feel the world needs to know of their intoxicant fetishes.

Oh you bought a Jaguar, did you?

Now, I like a drink as much as the next man, so I assume that I am missing a crucial part of the human genetic make-up - the part that makes me think it necessary to tell the world:

"I AM A MASSIVE BOGAN!"

The amount of tumblrs in which the entire bio fits a standard template is quite ridiculous.

Name:

Age:

Location:

I SMOKE WEED AND DURRIES AND DRINK ALCOHOL ^_^

If you aren't going to listen to this source (who is clearly a famed academic),

at least shut the hell up.

Secondly, I'd like to extend another 'shut the hell up' to those who feel that their uneducated opinions hold more weight than anyone else's.

Whenever a big event takes place - whether it be the death of a famous figure, a change in politics or economic collapse - teens with absolutely zero facts to back up their claims scuttle out from their nests and post their ridiculous views on the internet for all to see.

They then proceed to argue amongst themselves erupting into what appears to be a scene from '12 Angry Men'.

And guess who won the argument in that movie?

THE GUY WHO KNEW HE WASN'T DEFINITELY RIGHT

Natural selection, please extend your mighty hand this way.

You've probably never heard of her...

"There is a level of cowardice lower than that of the conformist: the fashionable non-conformist."

- Ayn Rand (foreseeing the Rise of the Indies by nearly a century)

Correcting they're statuses? Your really smart.

The English language and the internet don't work well together.

Its really not hard to find a grammatical error on the web, they're is probably at least one on every page you read.

Especially on facebook.

Woah nelly.

You'll find that almost every second status has some incorrectly using words.

Your & You're.

Their, There & They're.

Its & It's.

Its pretty friggen annoying.

But do you know what's worse?

The intellectually gifted mastermind who can pick up on these insignificant grammatical flaws and correct the person on them.

Not even weaving in a hilariously subtle joke, rather commenting with a simple asterix followed by the correct word.

your.

The concept which I have trouble grasping, is why these pimples feel the need to make such corrections?

Does it feed the ego? Pathetic if it does.

Does it make them look smart? No.

Wait, strike that. It makes them look as sexy as Stephen Hawking, so in a way it kind of does make them look smart.

'I'm flying with fast food!'

Oh mortal, how you're insolence amuses me.

Yeah mate, yeah.

Why do songwriters think that the word 'yeah' is cool?

It's a load of dick.

The amount of songs which predominately feature the word 'yeah' is ridiculous.

And that's only the songs with only the word 'yeah'.

Doesn't even include 'yeh', 'yer' or 'oh yeah'.

Admittedly, back in the day my favourite song was a twelve-bar-blues where the lyrics were:

"Yeah" (x12) repeat as desired.

But then again, this was from a time when I thought that this was badass:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Q7FFjUpVLg

Now, I desire nothing more than for less songs to be about a word which simply is an agreement.

Now, I'd rather be on the Challenger Space Shuttle than listen to that song again.

Misinterpretation.

I love puns.

I love double-entendres.

And so, I heart using the word seminal in assignments.

In my analysis of Noir and Neo-Noir films for a university assingment, I wrote:

"Miller and Rodriguez clearly draw their inspiration from the films of the noir movement, in particular Billy Wilder’s seminal work."

Obviously, as you all know, by seminal work, I'm referring to the 1944 classic 'Double Indemnity'.

My god, it is brilliant.

According to my faithful dictionary, seminal means "(of a work, event, moment, or figure) strongly influencing later developments : his seminal work on chaos theory."

But of course, there is another meaning. And being the foolish little schoolboy I pray that my tutor misinterprets it.

I've been told by many that my maturity is my best quality.

I've since realised that that is an insult.

nature's alcoholics.

You know what's a waste of space?

Midges.

You know the mosquitoes that are about the size of my dignity?

Yeah, them.

An artist's representation of a midge

Seriously, what do they live for?

I mean, I can understand mosquitoes, I don't like them, but I see that they fly around and live on blood.

Kinda like the fish from Piranha II: The Spawning

But seriously, what the hell do midges do?

Are they like Spike from Season 4-7 of Buffy?

Because, they never drink blood.

Ever.

They never land.

Ever.

They just fly around like they'd be blowing 0.999 on a RBT.

Things to note from the above:

1. The fly lands, walks and then flies off.

2. The midge flies around like a retard, comes oh so close to the arm but never touches.

3. That sexy muscle and the manly hair on my arm.

I've come to the conclusion that midges are mosquitoes, who are so depressed in their genetic abnormality (which is their small size) that they fall into a spiral of alcoholism.

I wonder if they fly home and mercilessly beat their wives and children?

cAPITAL pUNISHMENT

whoever invented the english language was a fool.

why, i hear you ask.

because they invented capital letters.

now i ask you, why are they necessary?

seriously though, think about it.

name me one instance where they are absolutely necessary.

sure, in some cases, a nice ol' capital X can look pretty badass.

and in other cases capitals can neaten up a bland-looking paragraph.

strangely enough, a nice ol' picture of dr phibes can make

any paragraph look wickedgnarlyradical.

my main gripe with capital letters is the ease to misuse them:

1. caps lock - TYPING WORDS IN CAPS LOCK MAKES ME READ IT AS IF SOMEONE IS YELLING AT ME.
2. caps lock (feat. shift key) - fORGETTING THAT YOU HAVE CAPS LOCK ON, YET STILL ATTEMPTING TO USE CAPITALS IN THE CORRECT PLACES MAKES YOU LOOK ABOUT AS INTELLIGENT AS A SNOWMAN MADE OF HUMAN FAECES. fOOL.
3. capitalising every word - Not Everything Is A Title, Jackass.
4. capitalising every second letter - wOuLd YoU hApPeN tO hAvE a MeNtAl ReTaRdAtIoN?

i really don't see the need for capital letters, it just doubles the amount of learning those poor year one children have to learn.

once, just once, think of the children.